Gen X women are redefining aging — Hollywood and Madison Avenue should get on board

Image credit: Barb And Star Go To Vista Del Mar

By Dorothy Pomerantz | Fitch Ink Managing Editor

In the middle of the pandemic, like many Gen Xers, I turned 50. I was glad this milestone hit at a time when we were all huddled inside and avoiding each other’s company. I had no desire to celebrate. I prayed that amid the social media birthday greetings no one would mention my actual age.

I’ve never been particularly bothered about my age before but somewhere along the line, something shifted. I went from being a bright young thing to someone who seemed to matter a whole lot less. Thanks to ad targeting I can mostly avoid soda and beer ads filled with 20-somethings. But the ads I do get aren’t much better. They’re targeted at a rapidly decaying human who needs creams to fill in her eye wrinkles and cover up her age spots. She wears pants that lift her sagging butt and drinks a lot because — why not! Might as well go down swigging.

The subtle messages coming from the enormous number of TV shows I’ve watched this past year aren’t much better. On Mare of Easttown, Gen X women are grandmothers. Olivia Coleman (younger than me) plays an aging Queen Elizabeth on The Crown. On Search Party, people over 40 barely exist although Michaela Watkins’ brittle, furious prosecuting attorney is a good example of how they’re portrayed when they do appear.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore all of the shows I just mentioned. But sometimes I can’t help feeling as if I’m eavesdropping on something that was not meant for me. The people putting enormous amounts of money behind these shows don’t care if I watch or not. I haven’t been in the coveted 18–34 age demographic for a while now.

And yet, as the pandemic began to somewhat recede and we started hanging out in person more, I realized something. My fellow Gen X women friends (who admittedly have a lot of privilege) are nothing like the women I’m seeing on screen. Sure, their lives aren’t perfect and they’re dealing with many of the same problems the media loves to harp on when talking about women my age. Some are stuck caring for aging parents and young children. Some are struggling with the onset of menopause. And many are exhausted.

But those problems do not define them. And the majority of them are not giving up. They are looking to the next phase of life not as a sunset but as a sunrise full of possibilities. They’re creating new TV shows, starting new businesses and embracing the things that truly make them happy while getting rid of a lot of what doesn’t (which sometimes includes husbands).

In fact, the more time I spent with other women my age the more I realized that I also don’t fit what I see in ads and on TV. Career-wise, things have never been better. I love what I do and I know I’m good at it. Socially, I’m doing exactly what I want. If I don’t stay out partying until 2 in the morning it’s because I don’t want to. Watching a movie with my family is much more fun. My hair may have streaks of tinsel but I’ve found I really don’t care. I never wore much makeup before but I’ve developed a really simple routine that helps me feel attractive enough to satisfy myself when I go out.

This feeling is backed up by recent research from REAL Brand Strategy which points out that Gen X women are rejecting stereotypes that portray them as “stressed-out and panic-stricken — as aging women who are losing their looks, dignity, lust for life and, in some cases, even their minds.”

Of the 750 Gen X women interviewed for the research, 88% said they feel mentally or physically confident, 86% are happy and 78% see themselves as thriving. I recognize those women much more than the majority of those being served up to me in ads and on TV.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t any good portrayals of Gen X women. Netflix’s Dead To Me, which stars Linda Cardellini and Christina Applegate, does a great job portraying women my age. But the two main characters are in such a constant state of crisis they don’t have space for a lot of optimism.

The place where I found women who really encapsulated what I’m feeling and what the research is showing, was in Barb And Star Go To Vista Del Mar. This profoundly silly movie stars Kristin Wiig and Annie Mumolo (both Gen X women who also wrote the film) as midlife, midwestern best friends who head to a fantasy resort in Florida to get their sparkle back. Yes they’re approaching 50 but they do not give a crap what anyone thinks about them. They are who they are and they figure out how to make themselves happy whether that means a sexy romp with Jamie Dornan on the stairs of a lifeguard shack or a tit-flapping ride on a banana boat.

The absolute unbridled bonkeriness of the movie felt very right. In this hyperventilating moment when the planet is on fire and it feels like a third of the population has just gone completely mad, why shouldn’t women my age throw caution to the wind and have some fun? Maybe it turns out we can’t have it all but maybe we never wanted it all in the first place.

The rest of Hollywood (along with Madison Avenue) should take a lesson here and rethink the way they portray and talk to Gen X. Not just because it’s the right thing to do but because it’s going to help them financially.

According to REAL, 50-and-older women represent $15 trillion in purchasing power. People over 50 represent more than half of all consumer spending.

So show us for who we really are. Market to us as tech-savvy, vivacious women, not as stress cases who are on the verge of losing everything. Ditch the stereotypes and find ways to talk to us that don’t use the words “aging” or “middle-aged.” Make more movies about our joy and optimism. We will thank you for it with our hard-earned dollars.